I was feeling highly sensitive and not my normal self. I had LA friends who had booked plane tickets to come and stay with me in London and Ibiza, they were extremely excited about this long awaited trip to celebrate graduation with a trip to Europe.
During the Practicum desert week, a couple of other friends decided they would join us. In my head everything was becoming so loud and stressful. The thought of who would sleep where, how would car journeys work, some like to stay out late, others don’t, some have particular food requirements, some are on a budget, others want to blow the budget. The thought of daily decisions about breakfast, lunch and dinner with 5 girls was filling me with dread.
In my current state of, What the f**k am I going to do with my life?? Before now, I had a plan, but suddenly I had these new unpleasant feelings that I never expected to feel. Now my head was busy questioning about investing in this new career direction as a Life Coach to get an entrepreneur visa. Is this what I really want to do?
I had a sleepless night about this girls trip and assessed what I wanted. I wanted to go home, alone, to not have to entertain or negotiate decisions amongst a gaggle of girlfriends. I came to the place, that I needed to make a very bold move which I knew would come as a big shock and be upsetting for my friends and risk the possibility of losing friends
Decisions like this are not easy for me to make. I don’t like being an asshole. I don’t like upsetting or letting people down. It stresses me out and seeing other people upset, upsets me. But in this circumstance, I saw that I needed time out and time to focus on me and my future.
This type of decision goes against everything I was taught as a child and I also believe that ‘Self Honouring Choices’ if made too regularly just makes you selfish, and ultimately hanging out with a selfish person, has a short shelf life. But there are times, that we have to switch up plans at the risk of disappointing others in order to save our own sanity.
Many of you who have kids, a husband, manage people in your job are most likely much more adept at this than me, and as someone said to me recently when I told them this story, she said ‘you grew up!’ I thought, yes, it’s true, it is a sign of my growth.
Was it uncomfortable, YES. Was it horrible, NO. Did I lose friends, thankfully NO. Did I regret my decision, NO.
I did need the space and clarity did come….